Raising Awareness

This is for one of my close friends who is now getting out of a bad situation. This tale is a little bit late for domestic violence awareness month, which is in October, but better late than never. Thanks fort taking the time to read this!

Here you go:

Baggage. I can handle it. You will always be my friend. Do you understand that? I am your friend unconditionally. I can’t call myself a friend and say stop because you’ve got a secret.

I have a few myself.

I will stand by you, and if you need a shoulder to cry on I’m here.

I’m sorry that I didn’t know.

I will never blame you for not telling me.

That smile of yours is enchanting, can you really cover it so easily?

Of course, so can I.

Do you remember the first time we met?

Of course you do. You’re the one who reminded me.

I said some things that I never meant it, but I never thought we’d be this close. You and your beautiful blue eyes that always escape me. You and your red hat. You and your blonde hair. You will always be beautiful to me.

I never knew.

But let me tell you a secret: I’ve seen it too, on the wall, with those fist. I’m so proud of you for being brave.

You are braver than I could ever be. I didn’t know it had gotten this bad.

I know you’re away now, and I know you’ve still got that smile, but I know what’s underneath it, and even if I’ve never seen it on you before; I’ve seen it on me.

I imagined someday I’d be telling this story, my story, to a lover who’d never understand, not a friend who had it worse than me.

I will always be there for you.

I am part of your team. Don’t give up while I’m here.

I don’t know if you’ve shed tears. I’ll imagine you have. I know I did. I know I think about it every day, and I know it’s going to follow me.

When I was little I used to sing a little song about them getting in another fight. That was commonplace in my home, and I’ve heard things that no child should ever hear. I know you share that with me, and if it’s bad on me, I know it’s worse on you, and I guess that’s why I felt the need to say this: I will be here forever. I will never hurt you as long as you promise to do the same.

I don’t want a wedding. I don’t want a marriage, and I think what I’ve seen is part of that. Maybe you think the same. I know you’ve seen the pain. There is nothing worse in the world than that pain.

It’s the kind of pain that makes you kind of wish that it happened to you. Maybe you could take it better. I can stand up for myself, she can’t. I did it, and I’ll imagine you did too. They’re so much bigger, but mine stopped when faced with me. Did yours?

Mine showed no remorse. Even now.

I never want that. Ever.

I know you don’t either.

Let me stay by your side. You can cry, and I won’t say a word. I don’t care who is trying to hurt you, let me support you. Even today, I know these are words I can probably never say to your face, but if by any chance you see this, and you know it’s me. Know I’ll always be by your side.

I will be your friend unconditionally, and forever. Thank you for being brave. Thank you for putting that smile upon your face. Thank you for being you.

Love,
Me

 

G.R.A.Y Part 3

I'm actually trying to edit this a little bit as I post this because as I read I am finding certain parts that I don't like along with many an error, but I figured since I wasn't doing anything else, I should put up the next portion.

Chapter 1

I don’t know how bad it has gotten with the attacks. I can't really help, but I can tell you the truth. I can tell you my story.

-Love

Daddy

Daddy, daddy, why do you have to be so mean?
 
The road was cold, sprinkled with evergreen trees, and the cars were scarce. The evening sky was a winter purple, a perfect night for snow. Two hours ago, my biggest concern had been whether or not I would be able to sleep in tomorrow morning. Now, it's whether or not I’ll see their trademark red and blue shimmering behind us.
 
I can hear the banging in the trunk.
 
Daddy, I don’t want them to take you away.
 
I hold my breath like the person in the trunk, motionless, breathless. I wait until my vision gets blurry, then my mouth flies open, and I’m sucking in as much air as I can.
 
He's staring ahead. I know he won't dare look me in the eye. It doesn’t matter anyways, even if he tried, I wouldn’t be able to look into his. The windows are clean and clear, the way she always leaves them.
 
His eyes are an icy blue, the same as mine. I feel pressure on my chest.
 
He’s cold and distant because he has to be.
 
He told me to get into the car. I heard the screaming, I knew what had happened, this time it had gone too far. I pointed my own blue eyes at the wooden floor that I already knew I’d never see again. I can’t lie and say that I never knew that one day, this day would come.
 
Daddy, daddy, you make it so hard.
I want to love you. I really do, but please, please don't just give me those same excuses.
 
I glance out the rearview mirror, not a car behind us. We’re home free.
 
I look at the back of his head, his bushy black and grey hair, and I close my eyes.
 
Dear Daddy,
I never wanted to wish this on you, understand that, even the times I did, I never wanted this. I can't help but watch those evergreen trees. I am one of them, standing tall until I am taken down. You have made me strong, but I fear I am breaking.
 
I sit on the cold leather, hands tucked between my jeans and the seat. I take a quick look at him pulling my trembling hands into my lap. My face feels hot, although the car is cold. I slide my fingers over the smooth surface hidden in my palms. The gift you gave me not long ago. Can I take charge?
 
I tap the receiver 3 times.
 
I love you.
 
I turn my head towards the window, glancing at the rearview mirror, tears sliding down my cheeks. I know you can hear my breath getting sharper, shorter.
 
Daddy, I’m sorry.
 
This is the first time that I’ve got to sit in the passenger seat. Years of begging, and it’s now. I look down at my feet, my toes are just skimming the black plastic mat on the ground.
 
Someday I’ll be as tall as him. Feet planted on the ground, having to push my chair back because I’m so tall.
 
Daddy, I don’t want to be like you.
 
Or maybe I’ll be this petite little girl forever.
 
Red and blue flashing down the street.
 
Maybe I’ll be just like mommy.
 
Daddy, why?
 
“Daddy?” I whisper, “You know you have to pull over.” I can hear the tears in my voice. I can feel his eyes on me, taking me in one last time. His breaths are heavy as he pulls to the side of the road. Two officers come, one to his side, and one to mine. They wait until he’s out of the car to get me out.
 
“You’re a brave girl, you know that?” The officer says offering me his hand. My legs are numb. I bury my wet face into him, he hoists me up, although I’m much too big to carry. I know my Daddy will watch me with his icy blue eyes, but I won’t look. This will have to be our last goodbye.
 
Dear Daddy,
You shouldn't have done that, not to mommy.
 
Goodbye Daddy.