Thursday, January 23, 2014


It feels like a million knives are stabbing every part of my body, and I never wanted it to be this way. To feel like this. I thought the bridge to death would be this warm, empty chasm of nothingness, but it's not. It's worse than life, and I know why. I took it. I didn't let the bridge come to me, I walked to it, and now I want to walk away from the dark shadowy figure pulling me in. Is this what's it like for everyone? Will this be the last thing I see? Or is it just my imagination, is it just me, my mind, playing tricks on me, again. That's why I pulled the plug, right? To get away. I pulled the knife out of my parent's kitchen drawer, and I closed my eyes, pushing with as much force as possible, but it just didn't seem like it was enough, so I kept going, and I saw the wooden kitchen floor, stained with my own blood. I didn't want to do this to them, but there was no other way, right? The figure is get closer, but I know, I can see it, now, it's all clear, life is better than the nothingness that awaits me. I will be nothing. I will be gone. Will they come home soon enough to find me? Did they already? Am I under the florescent lights of white life-givers. Are they trying to save me? I want to fight. I want to be free. I want to bridge to slowly sink away from me. It's looming over me now, the darkness, it shouldn't be doing that, should it? I'm not going to make it out, am I? I succeeded. I did always say I could do anything that anyone said I couldn't. They said I wouldn't, but I did. I made it. I'm getting warmer. What was wrong before? Why did I want to leave? It's better than I thought it would be. I don't want to fight.

I'm free.

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